Socks with sandals; I can’t stand it. It’s potentially friendship ending for me, and if it’s not for you, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Urban Dictionary’s best definition:
A footwear combination worn only by the fashion-challenged.
A very sensible explanation follows:
If it’s hot enough for sandals, it’s too hot to wear socks.
If it’s cold enough to wear socks, it’s too cold for sandals.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a beautiful WNY girl (yes, shockingly, they do exist) in the summer time and she’s got it all; a legit tan, a sexy top, a beautiful figure, maybe some sporty shorts… and then socks with sandals. It is ruinous to the inner workings of a man who appreciates fashion in any sense.
Or how about the ghetto thug, he of the crack house porch and EBT card at the super market or corner store (before of course he gets in dat caddy with da rims).
Then there is the nature of the dude bro and his socks and sandals combo, he of over muscled biceps and deltoids with chicken skinny legs… and the never fail combo of calf high black Nike socks and slip on sandals. He may and usually does accentuate this with either a fitted hat with no bend in the brim or a visor, a shirt that is the color of a healthy vagina, and of course the ultimate dude bro accessory: the livestrong bracelet.
The common excuse for this ultimate fashion abortion is that the person is an ex athlete and used to play sports. Yeah. Payton Manning and Martin Brodeur are lounging around in slip-ons with knee socks. Maybe somebody like Ivan Nova of the Yankees, but baseball is a terrible sport so what else might you expect?
Don’t get me wrong. I have a deep appreciation of socks. They have a place in society, minus anything tie-dyed or the asinine toe sock. They deserve a drawer. If you put oranges in one of them you can tell your wife who’s boss without leaving a bruise. But they don’t go with everything like bacon does.
I also can appreciate sandals, though I usually shy away from them because my feet get achy. I do need a nice pair to walk around my apartment with. I can appreciate comfort, ease of slipping on and off, a gross toenail, a hot waft of foot odor that shrinks an erection into your abdomen.
But they do not mix. Like old men staring at midgets, like gay Jewish psychologists who express themselves through a sexually violated teddy bear, do everyone a favor.